Emotional Letter to my Ex (Written in 2022)

Disclaimer: You may feel teary, so be mindful reading them. All confidential details have been removed. The purpose of making this public is just to show my diversity as a writer.

The moment I heard you say, you wanted to take a break from our relationship, it was a shock for me and honestly, I’m still in shock. Maybe part of me is still in denial too.

It was just like hearing that a close relative has been diagnosed with cancer and only has a few months left.

A deep sense of helplessness, confusion, and grief followed.

I was broken and cried internally… maybe even a few actual tears, I guess

When I asked you whether you wanted to take a break or cut ties and fully end this, you said you didn’t know but I couldn’t help noticing a sense of relief and satisfaction on your face. It left me doubting myself.

Since then, not a single moment has gone by without me thinking about you and us.

Just a few hours ago, you said, ‘I love you’ and now this

Only a week back, during our date in Ghatkopar, you told me you were serious about dating me and that I was perfect for you.

You always said you wanted commitment in a relationship, and I truly respected and honored that.

But now I can’t help wondering if it was really that fragile, [her name]? Or is something bothering or pressuring you?
It’s only been few months.

We humans always carry a hopeful fantasy that things will work out, that no matter what happens, something good will come tomorrow.

But the way you’re so certain and so calculated in breaking this off… it makes me wonder – did you ever truly love me? Please, be honest

Last night, I had two dreams about you…

In the first one, we were classmates in a medical college. You looked super cute in specs (weird dream, I know), and I was trying to impress you, will I ever be able to stop doing that? 🥲😋😩

In the second, I dreamt you had sent me a long message. I woke up thinking it was real… but when I checked my inbox – there was nothing. A tear rolled down my cheek. 😢

That night, when you asked me ‘Did you reach home?’ and I said ‘Yes’ and there was a long pause. Then you simply said ‘Okay’ and cut the call.

You didn’t ask me [her name] How am I feeling? Am I okay? Not even a ‘Sorry.’ I was furious… and deeply upset.

When I got out of bed and splashed some water on my face, all those little plans started flashing before me

Our plan to go on a weekend trip to Lonavala,

You cooking something special for me,

Me gently cuddling you, kissing you, teasing you, pulling your leg…

And suddenly, I could see all of it vanishing right in front of my eyes – like buildings collapsing in an earthquake.

The thought that you will no longer be the first person I can call to share good news… it eats me up inside. 😟😔

The pillar I had [her name] and the future I imagined with her was like my spine. And now, without it, I feel like I am in an emotional wheelchair.

I kept childishly thinking that at any moment now, you’d say, ‘Chinmay, this was just a prank.’ Shows how irrational a man can get… 🥲

At the same time, there’s a strong anger in me. I feel like doing a factory reset on you. But every time I try, my brain just hangs… like it refuses to let go.

Saying that your feelings simply faded, or that the initial charm wore off, feels like a weak reason to end something so new. You told me I was an ideal boyfriend, that there was nothing wrong with me – only that you felt like being alone.

But honestly, that feels more like a gentle excuse than the whole truth.

Please understand this that my happiness is being with you, not cutting you off like gangrene.

You seemed so guilty yesterday, and I could sense that you felt a burden lifted off your shoulders.

But what hurts the most is that you didn’t even feel like taking a chance – a bet, a gamble to try and make things right between us. Why…? Just why…?

This whole thing has left me feeling weak and vulnerable… that something so meaningful can vanish overnight.

Strangely, it’s also made me more empathetic – to how fragile everything in life really is.

I just hope you give me genuine, honest answers about why you’re choosing to end this.

Not answers born out of guilt, but bold, clear words spoken while looking me in the eye.

I feel like I was emotionally fooled… like my feelings were a book you skimmed through but never really read.

Truth be told, I truly cherished every moment I spent with you.

I genuinely miss those moments when you would say, from the depths of your heart, ‘I missed you.’

Whether it was eating together in the canteen, taking a walk with you, or you coming over to my house…

Whether it was you scolding me sometimes or pulling my leg – every sweet, innocent memory is something I’ll lock away in my heart forever.

And for all of that, I truly cannot thank you enough.

I can’t stop blaming myself – thinking maybe I was too frank, maybe I asked for a little more of your time than you were ready to give.

And now… I’m stuck with the worst feeling of all: regret.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to recover from this.

I don’t know what you’re thinking… whether this break will make things better or only push us further apart.

But one thing I do know – it’s left a deep impact on me. And a fear I didn’t have before.

It feels like a fracture in my heart – one that needs time, rest, and pain to heal. There’s no magic pill for this.

Honestly, it doesn’t feel like a breakup – it feels like being sentenced to emotional jail.

It might happen that I ignore you – out of sheer pain and hurt – or even throw a tantrum.

In those moments, I just hope you have the heart of a mother, who still embraces her child despite the mess.

Just be bold. Be brutally honest – if you feel you owe me an answer, give it without filters.

Don’t do it out of guilt or just for the sake of closure.

There’s nothing more beautiful (well… except you, of course! 😉) than a raw, heart-to-heart confession.

Take your time, [her name].

It’s just been few months maybe give it a little more time, that’s all I’m saying.

Trust me, I’ve had moments in life where I felt like walking away too, somewhere I even did, but eventually found my way back. And looking back, those phases turned out to be truly meaningful.

But yes… hope can be cruel sometimes. As they say, ‘Hope is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs the torment of man.’

But even if there’s a 1 in infinity chance of fixing this, I’m still that romantic – still foolishly optimistic enough to take it.

Also, don’t feel bad, Even if I had a time machine and knew it would end this way, I would still choose to date you. Every moment was worth it.

I have never related more to what the Nokia CEO said in his last speech:

“We didn’t do anything wrong, but somehow, we lost.”

Yours (or maybe… no longer yours 🥺),

Chinu